It’s been a little over two weeks since writing about the loss I’ve experienced recently and what I was doing to heal. I took a 7 day journey of feeling my feelings, emotions, anger, sadness, loss, and uncertainty. 7 days turned into a habit. And I’m not one to adapt habits easily, flossing? Don’t ask me the last time…
The best thing that has helped me on this journey to fertility and trying to conceive is to sit my butt down each night. Sitting down with where I’m at each day. Recognizing fears. Then work to release my fears. Releasing what has built up during the day or in the past. Some fears I write down. Others I just think about. I work each day to diffuse my “needy, have to have a baby right now!” energy. I have let go of the idea that “I’m not healthy enough to conceive”. I’ve had tests run and a whole run of diagnostics completed. Everything has come back perfect, literally not one thing is wrong with me. I’m whole. I’m healthy. I’m fertile. I love my body. I will get pregnant easily when the time is right. And that time is not this month, it may not be next month, but my time to be a mother will come, one day.
I shared my struggles with our church group a few weekends back. Now besides blogging, I’m not one to share with anyone outside of my husband. I have no idea what inspired me to share this struggle. But the whole night sitting through church and our small group I kept hearing, “share, share, share your story.” I’ve never felt more vulnerable in my life. My heart was racing. Sweaty palms. The whole thing. I threw my brokenness on the table. Laid it all out there. It was a Brene Brown moment. And what happened? The sky didn’t fall. The earth didn’t crumble. I felt lighter. I felt a little more peace. I never expected to receive any answer from this or why I felt the need to share.
The next week we met, our group leader pulled me aside and opened herself up about her and her husband’s fertility struggles. I almost lost it, I had an answer (which I never asked for) to that voice that encouraged me to share my journey. There are other women sharing in this journey. All our struggles are different but we’re one in the same. None of us are broken. Not one. We are whole and loved. There was a loud reason I shared my story, if I could just help one woman feel she’s not alone in this journey. Maybe it was our group leader, maybe it will be someone reading this blog. I was nudged and I listened to the Holy Spirit. I’ve never felt more fulfilled in my whole life. It reaffirmed my desire to help women dealing with similar journeys.
If you find yourself on a similar journey, please reach out. Let’s connect!