Just last week I completed the Woman’s Code hormone cleanse by Alise Vitti. Basically 4 days of eating a clean, vegetable based diet. It was quick and not too painless although I admit I feel better with a little protein and healthy fats in my diet. I rarely do cleanses but I have been wanting to really jumpstart my fertility lately. Overall it was a positive experience. I find it helpful to every once in a while get myself back on track and refocused. This cleanse left me feeling like I need to keep digging and cleansing, only not my body but my mind. So I set out to intentionally FEEL all my emotions for a solid 7 days.
I have recently experienced a loss. A very early loss. It has been hard for me to wrap my head around. The whys, hows, and where to go from heres consumed me. In my Women’s Health Coach program we were challenged to simply feel our emotions. This came at a perfect time. I was near 6.5 weeks along. It was so early. Too early. I was sitting on the couch, having feeling horrible for myself, trying to push aside feeling anything. It hit me. I haven’t comprehended what my body has gone/going through. Will I ever fully comprehend the loss? Possibly not. But what I had control over were my emotions. So I started simply naming what I was feeling.
Hurt – Blame – Shame – Unhealthy – Unbalanced – Hormonal – Sad – Frustrated – Upset – Lost – Confused – Fear – Regret – Unworthy – Let Down
The list could go on.
I have worked with women who have experienced loss even greater than mine. But what I was feeling was very real. Raw. It was mine. My emotions. My body.
I’m sharing this not for sympathy but because I hope it can help another woman going through a similar struggle. My husband has been a wonderful support but he can’t wrap his head around these emotions I hold. I credit my continued healing to my faith and resilience. I know how creation occurs from a science standpoint. And each female body is designed to only allow the strongest to survive and thrive. I am fully aware there something both inside and outside of my power that did not allow for a healthy pregnancy at this time. At this time. I believe in the future. I hold hope to one day carry a healthy baby to term. I’m not leaning on my own understanding but His understanding at this time. This is all a part of His greater plan. I have to learn what I am to gain from this experience, give it light, and share the light. Through my healing, I want to give healing to another.
“For the know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord… – Jeremiah 29:11
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted – Matthew 5:4
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit – Psalm 34:18
I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I ask of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord. – 1 Samuel 1:27-28
I am taking this opportunity to continue FEELING my emotions every day, even past my little 7 day self-challenge. Feeling everything that comes up. Good. Bad. Ugly. I’m feeling it all. Nothing is getting swept under the rug because how often do we all just bury emotions to “deal with them later”? Often finding later never comes.